Why Dylan Farrow’s missives make me think she’s a liar. Part 1 (NYT)

 

Before the brouhaha over Dylan’s assault allegations, I thought it was well within the realm of possibility that Woody Allen was a child molester. His moral compass does not seem to point very close to due North. I still think this.

I never followed the case, have little to no interest in celebrities nor their lives. I hate, haTE, HATE the media focus on them.

If Dylan hadn’t published her letter, I never would have heard of Ronan Farrow or known about Ronan’s dubious parentage. I would not have known that Allen won a Lifetime Achievement Award. I would never have heard of ‘Blue Jasmine’ or it’s Oscar nominations. This is how much I isolate myself from entertainment media coverage. I really, genuinely, honestly don’t care. Actually, my feelings about celebrity reporting are much further down the spectrum than ‘don’t care’. I resent and am outraged by the importance given to such insipid nonsense in the media when there are important things happening in the world that actually affect us as individuals.

Anyway, let’s get down to the nitty gritty. Dylan has demanded that the reader, i.e.me, be the judge and jury in her case, so here it goes.

Dylan’s statements to the press have made me reassess the possibility of Allen’s innocence. The language Dylan uses, in my opinion, is the language of liars and manipulators. Her statements are teeming with disingenuous, inconsistent and hypocritical assertions. I will go through her statements to demonstrate. In other words, i did not find the witness to be credible.

The open letter can read here http://kristof.blogs.nytimes.com/2014/02/01/an-open-letter-from-dylan-farrow/?_php=true&_type=blogs&_r=0

When I read the NYT letter, I could not for the life of me understand why Dylan was guilt tripping me. The guilt trip is a form of psychological manipulation that breeds resentment. That’s exactly the effect that, 

“What’s your favorite Woody Allen movie? Before you answer, you should know…”

has on me; I resent the fuck out of it. That opening  reeks of entitlement. It’s as if the reader owes Dylan an explanation and an apology. If anybody owes Dylan those things, it’s her parents, not me, not you, not Alec Baldwin and certainly not Diane Keaton. In other words, my first thought was, “I don’t owe you shit, Dylan Farrow, so fuck off”.

What is it that Dylan is trying to get me to do with her manipulation? She never really says which is a hallmark of manipulation. It sets you up to fail and to seek the manipulator’s approval all the more. The letter is mostly insinuation; it contains almost no details or descriptions, especially of the alleged abuse. But I digress…

So, what EXACTLY does Dylan want us to do?

From what I can tell, Dylan wants Woody Allen to disappear, to ensure none of the following happens ever again:

“Actors praised him at awards shows. Networks put him on TV. Critics put him in magazines. Each time I saw my abuser’s face – on a poster, on a t-shirt, on television – I could only hide my panic until I found a place to be alone and fall apart.”

Well, that is never going to happen. Woody Allen was famous and celebrated before Dylan was born. That bell cannot be unrung. This is not ancient Egypt where the pharaoh has people stricken from the historical record. Should we destroy all copies of anything Allen has created? Should we strip him of his wealth and send him out into the dessert without water? I saw ‘Annie Hall’ before Dylan was born and liked it, so what should I do? Should I have my memory expunged? Should I shoot myself in the head for liking something created by an alleged child molester? What will appease you, Dylan?

The above quote also begs the question, why can’t Dylan simply ignore celebrity reporting like me? Why is she following the Oscars and the Golden Globes? It’s really not that hard to ignore – especially Woody Allen news – his movies are not even popular in the United States. If you don’t live in a major metro area, there’s a good chance you’ll have to do a lot of driving to find a theater that plays his movies. Dylan lives in Florida, right? I would be shocked if there were more than 10 theaters in that entire state that showed ‘Blue Jasmine’.

And how often does Dylan encounter Woody Allen t-shirts & posters? I lived in NYC 25 years and don’t ever recall seeing anyone wearing a Woody Allen t-shirt. This is not to say that Dylan has never encountered these things, but she is clearly overstating the problem to pluck at the audience’s heartstrings which, again, is manipulation.

By publishing this letter, Dylan has propelled Allen more into the spotlight than ever before; there were probably more articles, essays and blogs written about him in the last month than in the previous 60 years. I wouldn’t even be writing this if it weren’t for that letter. I bet all this publicity ignited by Dylan will increase sales of Allen’s products. People will be curious; they will want to know if they can unravel the mystery and see the monster behind the glasses. Oops.

“Woody Allen was never convicted of any crime. That he got away with what he did to me haunted me as I grew up. I was stricken with guilt that I had allowed him to be near other little girls. I was terrified of being touched by men. I developed an eating disorder. I began cutting myself. That torment was made worse by Hollywood. All but a precious few (my heroes) turned a blind eye. Most found it easier to accept the ambiguity, to say, “who can say what happened,” to pretend that nothing was wrong.”

This is where I really started to think, “OK, Dylan, it’s getting way too hard to accept what you are saying as even remotely true”. Dylan comes off as a finger pointer who never owns her own shit. Who’s fault is it that Dylan had an eating disorder and cut herself, Woody’s, Hollywood’s or her own? Whose finger went down her throat? Who did the cutting? Could it be that Dylan has borderline personality disorder? That might explain the adolescent black-and-white thinking demonstrated here along with the manipulativeness.

Dylan didn’t have the balls to testify, but blames others for “accepting the ambiguity” and “pretending” nothing is wrong. Nobody is pretending anything. The case was over. Nothing was wrong and Dylan never came forward or spoke for over 20 years. Is Dylan angry that the world moved on and did not obsess over her SHUT case? How dare the rest of the world give a shit about 9/11 and the war in Iraq and the financial crisis when we should have been agonizing over the plight of poor little rich Dylan. Get over yourself, Dylan or Mia or whoever wrote that absurd letter. You are not that important to me or Cate Blanchett or Louis CK. (I’m just guessing about Cate Blanchett and Louis CK, of course.)

If Dylan is unhappy with the justice system and the way child sexual abuse cases are handled, why is her letter addressed to me and a bunch of actors? Go after Frank Maco, the CT police, and the battery of shrinks that family had at their disposal. Go after the policy makers.

Has Dylan somehow recovered from the guilt of allowing Allen to be near other little girls? If not, perhaps she should help Allen’s adopted daughters who currently reside with him. Has she reached out to them in any way? Why doesn’t Dylan address this open letter to them?

Dylan digs deep to explain the purpose of her letter; she wants to show others they don’t have to be silent.

“The survivors of sexual abuse who have reached out to me – to support me and to share their fears of coming forward, of being called a liar, of being told their memories aren’t their memories – have given me a reason to not be silent, if only so others know that they don’t have to be silent either.”

The thing is, nobody has to be silent. Nobody HAS to do anything except die and pay taxes. Who thinks otherwise? The thing is when you demand a bunch of NYT readers to adjudicate your case, you’ll have a bunch of people like me ripping apart your claims. That’s a consequence.

If this letter was written for stifled victims of sexual abuse, why was it addressed to me and Scarlett Johansson? You know what would really be inspiring to victims? How about crushing your “tormentor” in court? Or writing a thoughtful well-written piece that honestly and thoroughly describes your experiences, a piece that explains how you overcame your troubled past?

 “Last week, Woody Allen was nominated for his latest Oscar. But this time, I refuse to fall apart. For so long, Woody Allen’s acceptance silenced me. It felt like a personal rebuke, like the awards and accolades were a way to tell me to shut up and go away.”

This passage stinks of professional envy and enormous self-centeredness; it makes me wonder if Mia wrote the letter. Why is Dylan so focused on Allen’s career? Why is it so important to Dylan to be believed by a bunch of strangers and show business people? Dylan is not even an actress nor is she in show business. Dylan Farrow has never been considered for any of the show business awards in question, so why would she think she should be considered in any fashion? There was no award for “Best Child Molestation Cover Up”, so what the heck does it have to do with her? If being acknowledged by the Hollywood community means so much to her, why doesn’t she get into show business and make her own films? Methinks she has some connections that would help her.

Perhaps I should write an open letter too. You see, I think the Medea films are stupid, but they keep making them, which I feel is a personal rebuke.

By the way, the NYT is not publishing out-your-molestor letters for just anyone. Dylan’s voice is being amplified, not silenced, due to her association with a celebrity.

Now why does dear old mom gets off the hook so easily?

“These things happened so often, so routinely, so skillfully hidden from a mother that would have protected me had she known, that I thought it was normal.”

Mia claimed that she had her suspicions about Allen before he adopted Dylan. Mia told the judge that Allen looked at Dylan in a “sexual way” (page 5, paragraph 2, http://www.scribd.com/doc/205403621/Allen-v-Farrow-Custody-Ruling-June-7-1993). Combine that with the claim mommy “declined to pursue criminal charges, despite findings of probable cause by the State of Connecticut” it is clear that Mia would not and did not protect Dylan.

“I have a mother who found within herself a well of fortitude that saved us from the chaos a predator brought into our home.”

Mom brought the predator (are we talking about Allen or Uncle John the convicted child molester?) into the Farrow home. Mia didn’t save Dylan, she fed her to the wolf. I wonder how Dylan has come to peace with that.

 

“Imagine she spends a lifetime stricken with nausea at the mention of his name. Imagine a world that celebrates her tormenter.”

Gosh, I wonder how many keyboards Dylan ruined by throwing up all over them just to get this down. Woody Allen is not Dylan’s tormentor. They have no relationship. Dylan’s histrionics make me nauseous.

Honestly, though, after I read the letter, I still granted Dylan the benefit of the doubt because that’s how much of a douche I think Woody is. Maybe she was drunk when she wrote it.

Next up: Dylan’s response to Moses in People, a.k.a. the last nail in the coffin that was Dylan’s credibility .

Any comments accusing me of child molestation or defending child molesters will be cheerfully deleted.

Any comments citing Vanity Fair as a credible source will also be deleted.

Here’s a nice little article about guilt trips. http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-squeaky-wheel/201305/the-psychology-and-management-guilt-trips